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Since I had an ostomy,
so many things have come to me.
Sometimes I think I’ll disappear
under all this osto-
In days gone by I wondered why,
old men wore their trousers high.
I could not imagine how it felt
wearing braces with no belt.
But now I have an ostomy,
I understand this strategy.
so stomas don’t get perforated.
This storyline does not end here,
I wish to tell of all my gear.
All those things I use and wear,
here are some that I will share.
Even I can be bemused
at the old belts that I have are used.
Their height is just below my boobs
to seal the tops of drainage tubes.
Some other gear I can disclose,
elastic belts and pantyhose.
If hernias threaten I suppose,
these must be worn beneath my clothes.
I don a cricket box, of course,
preventing scratching from pet’s claws.
Wet wipes, dry wipes, hair dryer,
none of these I had prior.
Big bags small bags, open and closed,
Lotions, potions, barrier sprays,
enough to last for quite a few days.
Scissors straight and some with curve,
so small round shapes we can preserve.
Adhesive removers, sprays and wipes,
everything comes in several types.
When I mess or make a smell,
my ostomy won’t go down well.
With all this stuff around the house
I feel for my long-
Rectal catheters, ‘inco’-
all the very latest fads.
Odour neutralizers do their best,
household deodorizers fail the test.
And to house this equipment boom,
I had to build a new bathroom.
A bit of planning often pays,
for now we groom in separate bays.
Were I to venture from my door,
I’d need these things and so much more.
Travel can be sometimes hard,
that’s why I have a travel card.
Although this list may seem quite long,
most of my stuff will quell the pong.
And getting rid of personal waste
will not be to most folk’s taste.
Forgive me if my mind will scoff,
if just the thought can put you off.
Think of those less fortunate than us,
who daily cope without much fuss.
Count your blessings one by one
for ostomies are not much fun.
And I would give you all my gear
for your working guts my dear.
Reproduced by kind permission of Bill Withers.
MY OSTOMY GEAR
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